Every witch way but dead.., p.1
Every Witch Way but Dead (Magical Misfits Mysteries Book 13), page 1
Every Witch Way but Dead
Magical Misfits Mysteries, Volume 13
K.E. O'Connor
Published by K.E. O'Connor, 2024.
This is a work of fiction. Similarities to real people, places, or events are entirely coincidental.
EVERY WITCH WAY BUT DEAD
First edition. April 30, 2024.
Copyright © 2024 K.E. O'Connor.
Written by K.E. O'Connor.
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
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Chapter 1 | Stones and dust
Chapter 2 | Friends like these
Chapter 3 | Blinking games
Chapter 4 | Dusty surprise
Chapter 5 | Shocking ask
Chapter 6 | Friendly guilt
Chapter 7 | Criminal vamp
Chapter 8 | Simmering fury
Chapter 9 | All guilty?
Chapter 10 | Trouble bubble
Chapter 11 | Gargoyle grief
Chapter 12 | Grumpy vampires
Chapter 13 | Stone cold
Chapter 14 | Tangled clues
Chapter 15 | Blasted warlocks
Chapter 16 | A likely suspect
Chapter 17 | Perfect gift
Chapter 18 | Gremlin growls
Chapter 19 | Anger issues
Chapter 20 | Surprise suspect
Chapter 21 | It wasn’t me!
Chapter 22 | Truth unfanged
About the Author
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Chapter 1
Stones and dust
“You go left, and I’ll take the right. Cut the critter off whichever way it goes,” Glenda Ridgeback ordered as she dashed away. Being an alpha werewolf, Glenda had a natural inclination for bossing people around, so I wasn't offended. I chose my path, my paws skimming dry leaves and twigs.
We’d been pursuing the misbehaving rainbow whispering sylvan sprite through Crimson Cove woods for almost an hour. As the sun dipped lower, I was eager to be finished. It had been a long working day, and the critter we chased had a pungent odor that unsettled my senses. It was reminiscent of moldy meat and smoke.
My wonderful witch and sidekick companion, Zandra Crypt, emerged from behind a tree, wiping sticky goo off her arm. She pointed to her right. “It spat at me! That’s the direction Glenda went. Be careful.”
I changed course and dashed after the beast. Glenda was a fearsome and effective member of animal control, but occasionally, her werewolf side got the better of her, and she ate what she should be trapping. And for the last half hour, she’d been commenting that she wanted to put her feet up with a bottle of rye whiskey and a pound of beef jerky. A hungry werewolf was always spicy to be around, even in human form.
Zandra soon joined me in the pursuit, making barely any noise as she light-footed it past the foliage. “What’s wrong with this creature? We’re trying to help it, and all it has done is spit at us and try to attack whenever we corner it.”
“We panicked it. Although its behavior is erratic. It’s running but doesn’t seem to have a particular destination.”
“It’s running to annoy us.” Zandra swiped her sweaty, dark hair out of her eyes. “If we don’t catch it soon, we’ll run into overtime, and that won’t make Barney happy.”
“Nothing could sour his jolly mood,” I said. “Ever since he bonded with Ember, everything he sees is surrounded by sunshine and sparkles.”
Zandra grinned at me. “When you find your perfect familiar, life does get a rosy glow.”
I inhaled deeply, getting a gross whiff of moldy smoke meat. “It’s close.”
“Smelling like that, it’s got to be diseased,” Zandra whispered. “And there was a strange coating on its feathers. Did you see? I got a look when it jumped me.”
“It looked like it had been dust-bathing or caught in a sandstorm,” I said. “It’s a shame Finn’s not here. He could take the creature to his sanctuary. It needs quiet and time to recover.”
“We won’t see him for a while.” Zandra scanned around, keeping a keen eye out for the creature. “Not while he’s still looking for his mother.”
“And spending more time with the charming Bell Blackthorn and her impressive wyvern,” I said. “Finn has found an intriguing companion. Anyone who has power over dragons is a match for an angel with a troublesome demon side.”
“I like Bell. She’s got a no-nonsense approach to life. And she’s magically strong. They work well together.”
I crouched. “I hear movement ahead. And Glenda is growling.”
We dashed past a thicket of brambles and thorns to discover Glenda had cornered the whispering sylvan sprite. It was a beauty, despite being flustered with panic, with big dark eyes, multi-colored feathers, and a shiny beak. They were snarling at each other, sparks of magic shooting out as they waited to see who would strike first.
“Greetings, troubled one.” I approached the whispering sylvan sprite cautiously. These birds had a powerful bite, and their saliva was toxic if you got too much on your skin. “We mean no harm. We’d like to help. You seem sick.”
Normally, whispering sylvan sprite were reasonable communicators. They had a rudimentary language but understood everything said to them. Not this one. It lunged at me. A swipe of magic from Zandra warned it off at the last second, and it swerved away, screeching its displeasure.
“Steady now,” I soothed. “What’s the matter? We offer you safety, food, and a warm bed. When you’ve had a good night of sleep, we can see what’s troubling you.”
“Ever since I chased it down, it’s been trying to bite me.” Glenda pushed back her sleeves. “The thing wants me dead. It’s possessed by something nasty.”
“It’s terrified. And no wonder if you’ve been snarling at it.” I glared at Glenda. “Both of you back off. I’ll talk it around.”
“You sure you want to handle it on your own?” Zandra asked.
“I’m more than a match for this sad, bedraggled creature.”
Glenda shrugged, her anger fading. “Suits me. I’ve got a full moon run tonight, so I need to chill.”
“Don’t go anywhere,” Zandra said. “Juno could still need our help.”
I lifted a paw, intending to blow a calming spell over the whispering sylvan sprite. Before the spell materialized, the creature gave a raspy inhale and exploded in a shower of gross dust. I inhaled the foul mix as it rained down on my glorious white fur, covering me from booping snooter to rear end, since I was still lacking my tail.
“Gross! Why did it do that?” Glenda scowled as she scrubbed dust off her tight black jeans.
Zandra looked equally repulsed as her favorite leather jacket was covered in a light film of whispering sylvan sprite remains. “Not only does it smell funky, but it tastes nasty, too.”
Harsh laughter slid through the trees, and a few seconds later, Oleander Yockley strolled toward us, grinning from ear to ear, his green eyes lit with amusement. “You ladies know how to put on a show. You scared it so much it decided death was better than coming with you.”
I hissed at him. “If we’d had proper backup, this would never have happened. Where have you been hiding all this time?”
“I was waiting for you to make a move. What did you say to the thing to make it give up the fight and prefer death to animal control?” Oleander smirked as he looked at all that was left of the stunning whispering sylvan sprite.
“Juno said nothing wrong, you jerk,” Glenda snapped. “She was talking it down, but it went poof in a puff of nasty, sticky dust. It stinks like a damp basement.”
“You’ll all need to get decontaminated before going home.” Oleander kept a safe distance from us, still looking disgustingly smug. “It could have exploded a curse all over you. With luck, you’re about to drop down dead.”
“Don’t give me ideas about what to do with your scrawny behind.” Glenda snarled at him, her eyes flashing amber.
“Whispering sylvan sprites don’t cast curses.” I tentatively tasted the dust and grimaced. Although I despised bathing, I wouldn’t resist when Zandra placed me in the sink for a thorough scrubbing as soon as we got home. “They only ever get irritated around mating season or if there’s a dispute over food, and they settle their differences peacefully.”
“It’s a darn shame this one didn’t make it. There are so few of them.” Glenda gave up trying to clean her jeans. “Let’s get back to the office and tidy up. I’m not missing the full moon run for anything.” She flicked her fingers in Oleander’s face as she stomped past him.
I hopped onto Zandra’s shoulder and leaned against her head as we returned to our vehicle parked on the edge of Crimson Cove woods.
The journey back to animal control was slow. Since it was the end of a working day, the streets were busy with peopl
We’d just parked and climbed out of the van when there was a familiar and welcome low groan close by.
“Your mother’s here,” I called to Zandra, who was hefting equipment out of the back of the van.
“Adrienne?” Zandra lifted her head, surprise in her voice.
It was unusual to see Zandra’s mother in Crimson Cove, especially during daylight. Ever since she’d turned into a ghoul, she kept to herself and preferred the companionship of her ghoul partner, Joel, wandering close to their home in the woods, out of the way of temptation.
“Greetings, Adrienne.” I walked over to her. “And Joel. You’re looking well.”
She blinked at me with filmy but intelligent eyes. “I have a surprise.”
“We adore surprises!” Adrienne was becoming more comfortable speaking in full sentences rather than single words, although she still sounded stilted at times.
“We’ve been making plans.” Adrienne’s voice was a low murmur. Unlike most ghouls, she’d retained a degree of intelligence and didn’t find it hard to resist her urge to eat anything warm-blooded. She was settled, happy, and had a better relationship with Zandra than she did when she was human.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Zandra joined us.
Adrienne smiled coyly as she gripped Joel’s hand. “What’s on your clothing?”
Zandra looked down and grimaced. “Exploding rainbow whispering sylvan sprite. Long story. Basically, a failed mission. I should get cleaned up.”
Adrienne swiped a hand down the sleeve of Zandra’s jacket then licked it and passed it to Joel to do the same. “Tastes bad.”
“Yeah. Don’t do that again,” Zandra said. “We’re pretty sure the animal had something wrong with it. You don’t want to get sick.”
“They’re ghouls,” I murmured.
Zandra shrugged. She knew ghouls couldn’t catch colds or contagions like the rest of us. “So, what’s your news?”
Joel mumbled something. He wasn’t much of a talker, but Adrienne was happy to take the lead.
“We’re getting married,” she said.
Zandra’s mouth dropped open. “Why?”
I slid her a glare. “Congratulations! Weddings are in the air. Cythera and Maverick are happily wed. Torrin and Madeline. Soon it’ll be Zandra and Randal.”
“Hey! Stop stirring,” Zandra said. “I’m not even dating the guy.”
“Randal is a good boy,” Adrienne said. “He’ll look after you.”
“I can look after myself.” Zandra narrowed her eyes. “When was this marriage decided?”
“Joel proposed last night,” Adrienne said. “I was so happy. We had our favorite meal of brains and liver, and then he got down on one knee. He couldn’t get up afterward because his kneecap dislocated, so we lay in the dirt.”
I nodded in approval at Joel. He looked almost healthy as he stood proudly holding Adrienne’s hand and smiling, revealing only a few missing teeth.
“If that’s what you want, I’m happy for you,” Zandra said.
“You must be a bridesmaid,” Adrienne said.
Zandra’s nose wrinkled. “Sure. So long as I don’t have to wear a super flouncy dress.”
“A pantsuit?” Adrienne suggested. “And you’ll help with my dress?”
“Zandra will be delighted to help with everything,” I said. “She’s been bored since Finn went away.”
“I’ve hardly been bored. But work is quiet, so I’ve got time to help. I know little about weddings, though, so I may mess things up.”
“It’s fortunate you have a best friend who has a bookshop full of advice,” I said. “Vorana loves making plans. And when she hears there’s another wedding coming to Crimson Cove, she’ll want to get involved. And Sorcha. She could make your cake. Something savory topped with icing?”
“Sounds delicious,” Adrienne said.
“Zandra, get cleaned up, and then you can spend the evening with Adrienne and Joel, figuring things out,” I said.
“Can do. We don’t have any plans.”
“I’m meeting Sammy. You can catch me up on the wedding ideas later.” After congratulating Adrienne and Joel on their excellent news once again, I trotted away. I was pleased my witch had something to occupy her because I’d been horribly distracted and didn’t want her to pick up on my lack of focus and ask questions.
A recent encounter with some splendid dragons had given me something I’d been wanting for a long time. Something I never thought I’d get my paws on again.
I’d been gifted a piece of stone containing the final piece of my stolen magic and had been able to think of little else. I’d wandered the streets on my own late at night and stared out of the window, looking for a sign about what to do, but nothing came to me. This dilemma wasn’t to be solved without deep thought and weighing up all options.
Once I was home in Vorana Stowell’s cozy basement, I took up the challenge of running a sink of warm water before having a bath. What I wouldn’t do for opposable thumbs when it came to taps, but I managed.
Once I was smelling sweet and no longer of moldy whispering sylvan sprite, I dried off by rolling on Zandra’s bedding and pillows for several minutes then headed to the corner of the basement and extracted the stones.
To look at them, most people would see nothing extraordinary, but these small stones contained everything I needed to make a change.
It was all here. The magic stolen from me so many years ago by a dreadful goblin. For a long time, it was all I’d been looking for. And now I had it.
I just needed to release my magic, and... Then what? Leave? Zandra wouldn’t want me hanging around if I returned to my demigoddess form. She was used to me being her cat familiar.
But I’d been on this mission for such a long time. It was always what I’d wanted. Until Zandra arrived with her spiky, unfocused magic bursting with potential and that space in her heart that I fit in perfectly.
Before I met Zandra, I’d gotten myself into all sorts of trouble and had a chip on my shoulder the size of a were panther. Then my blazing dazzle of a witch saved me.
Life as a magically enchanted cat was certainly interesting.
I touched each stone in turn with a paw, feeling the magic sing underneath my toe beans. I could do so much more in my demigoddess form. I could improve lives, change communities, exact revenge on that hateful goblin who did this to me.
I dearly wished someone would tell me what to do with the stones. Open the magic and go back to my old life? Tuck them away and pretend I’d never found them? Could I be content with my lot and remain as an enchanted cat?
As much as I loved Zandra, she could be hesitant about embarking on adventures. She’d changed since we’d bonded, but if I left her, how would she manage? Would she revert to her old ways of snapping and snarling at everyone and throwing her magic around carelessly with little thought about what it did?
“Somebody tell me what to do,” I whispered into the silence.
“I don’t know if I should ever tell you what to do.” My glorious fluffy beau, Sammy, stood on the steps leading down into the basement. “But if you want to talk about it, I may have answers.”
Chapter 2
Friends like these
“What are you doing here?” I swiftly sat on the stones. “What did you see?”
Sammy descended the stairs, one magnificent paw after the other. He was a different cat from the timid, sweet individual I’d met when I first came to Crimson Cove. In every sense of the word. He was bigger, stronger, and surer of himself. He no longer cowered from his powers. And those changes had brought a newfound confidence. Sammy wasn’t so quick to let me get away with things like I used to.
He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and shook out his fur. “I’ll tell you what I know. It might make you more likely to share your dilemma with me.”
“I keep nothing from you unless you don’t need to know about it,” I said.
“Maybe you think I don’t need to know, but you’re facing a quandary. Talking through dilemmas can be useful.” He approached me, and we gently butted heads.
I remained sitting on the stones. “What do you think you know?”
Sammy gently sniffed me and licked my ear. “I know you’re different. So is Zandra.”
