Upside down, p.4
Upside Down, page 4
What the fuck was his game?
“Just stay away from me.” I didn’t give him a chance to respond, taking off in the opposite direction from where he stood. And I didn’t stop until I reached my cabin and quickly ducked inside.
It felt as though every part of me was in on a sick prank. My body betraying me in the way my heart pounded erratically as nerves twisted in the pit of my stomach, the way the back of my neck beaded with sweat, and the way my cock remained heavy and aroused behind the linen fabric of my shorts. The pull I felt toward him was unfamiliar, but its intensity was hard to ignore.
The only part of me that seemed to be logical was my head… and it kept screaming over and over that I wasn’t gay!
“Where the hell have you been?” Sam barked when I appeared almost an hour later.
“Writing speeches,” I lied, scanning the small crowd that had congregated on the deck. “I wrote like five of them.” Another lie, but I was great at winging it.
“Well, everyone is here. We’re departing right after breakfast. Can you do a quick toast during it?”
“Quick isn’t my game,” I said with a wink, which didn’t amuse him. “Chill out. Your best man has it covered.”
“Okay. I just want everything to be perfect… for Lydia.”
I chuckled at his nervousness. Sam didn’t do nervous. “It’ll be a fairy tale.” Spotting our parents, I clapped his shoulder. “I’ll be back. I have some news to deliver.” I then beelined toward them. “Looks like trouble has arrived,” I said, pulling my father’s attention.
“Cooper!” Instantly, I was in his firm grasp as he added, “You’re not one to be late, son. Where were you?”
“Best man stuff,” I replied, looking down at him. The man was seriously shrinking every time I saw him. Moving from his arms to my mother’s, I said, “Hi, Mom.”
“My son. How are you?” She hugged me harder than my father had before pulling away to examine my face. “You look pale. Kevin, doesn’t he look pale?” I sighed when my father took a good look at me and then nodded. “Are you okay, sweetheart?”
“I’m fine, Mom. How was your flight?”
“Wonderful. I like flying first-class,” she admitted with a cheeky smile. “I had a mimosa. Oh, and they gave me this delightfully lilac-scented warm towel to wipe my hands with.”
“Don’t get used to it, Ellen,” my dad was quick to say.
“There he is,” Griffin called out as he, Janis, and their spouses came closer. “How’s our baby brother?”
“Can’t complain.” Hard hugs were exchanged with Griffin and his wife. But when my sister Janis and her husband, Dean, called me out on their less-enthusiastic greeting, I argued, “I just saw you two for the holidays.” Refocusing on my eldest brother, I asked, “How’s California?”
“Amazing,” Lily responded for them. “I do miss Jersey, and all of you, but I fell in love with San Diego.”
“What’s not to love?” Dean asked. “My firm did well with the relocation… tons of perks to keep my wife happy.”
“This is true,” Lily admitted with a grin. “You all must come out.”
“We were waiting for you to settle in first. We’ll be visiting very soon,” my mother announced.
“We will?” my dad grumbled. The man was happy watching a ball game in his Barcalounger and never leaving the house.
“Yes, we will,” she scolded, as though he were her sixth child.
“Dad, wait until you see my man cave, complete with a sixty-inch TV to watch your Yankees on.”
My father’s eyes widened. “Well, then. I can’t wait,” he said, changing his tune.
“Hey, where’s Ree?” Janis asked, surprising me it took as long as it had for anyone to notice.
“She didn’t come.” And just like that the man cave was forgotten, and I became the center of attention in our family circle.
“Oh no. Is she okay, sweetheart?”
Six pairs of eyes laser-focused on me as I steadied myself for their reactions. “We broke up.” The females gasped as the males frowned.
“What happened?” my mother whispered, as if I’d just announced someone had died.
I took a good long moment to organize my words. “I’m going to say it once, and once I do, let’s please not rehash this.” My siblings and father nodded, but when my mother didn’t, I pegged her with a poignant stare. “Mom?”
Before I could even recite my rehearsed spiel, she began whining, “Cooper, you two were so good together. I was convinced she was the one.”
“Mom…” It was her that I focused on as I slowly repeated what I had already said to Sam and Rebecca. She tried to interrupt a few times, but with a raised palm I powered on. “Ree is very special to me, but it’s done. It’s over. And I don’t want to talk about it anymore. We’re here for Sam and Lydia, and celebrating is what we’ll be doing.” Scanning the rest of them, I asked, “Okay?”
One by one, they all nodded, and when my attention landed on my mother once again, I ignored the tears in her eyes. “Mom… okay?”
“I just want you to be happy,” she voiced sadly, ignoring my plea. “I worry about you, Cooper. You’re always so focused on others, you neglect yourself. You deserve to be in love.”
One would think. Between my career choice, and the successful relationships that surrounded me, it shouldn’t be this hard to find happiness. But my entire life I felt like the black sheep in my family. Not because of anything they did to alienate me—more so because I never felt as though I fit in.
As hazel eyes exact to mine watched me with compassion, I pulled her into my arms and kissed the top of her head. “I will be… someday,” I admitted, knowing I had probably just lied to my mother.
Chapter Five
Ricky
“Mr. Burrows, can I get you a drink?”
“No, Bonnie. I’m fine, thank you.” As she began to step away, I asked, “But can you please get Mr. Stanton a Modelo?”
“Which Mr. Stanton?”
I chuckled at the obvious question, since there were four of them present. “Sorry. Cooper.”
“Of course.” Bonnie headed to the bar for the imported beer Cooper loved and then delivered it to him with a smile. He thanked her, immediately taking a long sip, seeming pleased she appeared to have read his mind.
I continued to watch him among his family while he sported a constant smile—one hand casually tucked into the front pocket of his navy linen shorts, the other gripping the bottle, all the while oblivious to Bonnie’s lingering stare. In fact, many of our female staff appreciated his height, his perfect physique, his sexy smile, proved by their longing glances whenever he’d pay even a moment’s attention to them.
Cooper Stanton appeared to play the role of casual, laid-back English lit professor without a care in the world. But those hazel eyes of his told an entirely different story. I rarely had been wrong about these things. Probably because it was the same story that once haunted me… kind of.
Like Cooper, I’d been in denial… but the difference was I’d recognized my true self as a teenager. It must have been exhausting living a lie well into his adult years. Constantly disillusioned by romance and what it was supposed to look like. Although I was young, I’d drunk the Kool-Aid. Thought that way was the only way, and because of it, I’d shamefully hidden my reality. And I’d hidden it pretty damn well until I’d met Corey Hamel during my freshman year at Indiana University.
At first, I believed we shared a great connection… a brother I never had. Our friendship was instant and consuming. He was there for me, and I was there for him.
It wasn’t until we decided to share an apartment sophomore year that my feelings toward Corey began to subtly shift. Even though we both grew up close to our college, we agreed living on campus would enhance our experience. Once roommates, I could no longer deny my attraction toward him. Knowing he didn’t feel the same hurt more than I had wanted to admit.
It was my damn fault, because Corey was straight. He proved that much by fucking a different girl every weekend. But whenever we were alone, his lingering stares mimicked mine. He seemed to enjoy walking around the apartment half-naked. His hand would linger on my shoulder. His eyes would focus on my mouth when I spoke. He also seemed to enjoy my reaction each time he crossed a line… the biggest one being when he kissed me.
Finally.
Corey even joined me when I went home for Thanksgiving. I’d never forget the swell of hope that had engulfed me when he accepted my invite. That weekend I envisioned Christmas, New Year’s, my birthday all celebrated with Corey at my side. I didn’t voice what Corey was to me, and my mother kept it very cool, treating him no differently than a buddy I’d grown up with. Nothing happened between us, and it appeared we were no more than friends. Still, having him in my home had been a monumental development in our relationship.
The following weekend, at a friend’s party, the first red flag appeared when Corey acted as if he barely knew me.
I understood. He wasn’t ready to come out. I had only done so to my mother a few years before, and that was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do. Funny, though, the more he hid it from the outside world, the more he seemed to submit to his desires when we were alone.
And then, a week after Thanksgiving, we turned a corner. Slowly, the kisses came more frequently, touches more daring. With each day that went by, the intimate moments we shared behind closed doors became more heated. Even though he still played an entirely different role outside our apartment door, inside we held nothing back.
He was my first everything, and I fell hard for Corey.
It saddened me that we had to hide our true selves. Still, I’d never been happier. For that blissful month we’d been intimate, I convinced myself that in time he would be ready to take our relationship out of the closet. He never said as much, but I knew he was falling just as hard as I had.
My euphoria was short lived when the shit hit the fan. An asshole who hated Corey, for whatever reason, suspected we were gay.
Corey denied it, called him and me a nasty epithet in front of a large crowd, and made the decision to move out. In the blink of an eye, I went from being his lover to a complete stranger.
He made sure to be seen with a different girl on his arm at every social event he attended during the days that led up to our Christmas break. He’d made sure I knew he wanted nothing to do with me and had broken my heart.
Deeply lost in those memories, I startled at the blast of the ship’s horn. Meanwhile, it silenced our guests before the excited chatter resumed, knowing we were on our way.
Party time.
As the gentle whirring of the engines kicking in cued our steel band to begin their calypso serenade, I proudly scanned the deck. If I had to pick the best part of our jobs, it was departing. That moment when our magnificent vessel slowly pulled away from port, guests smiling in anticipation, onlookers watching in awe and maybe even jealousy… simply the best.
Rebecca, Marco, and I had accomplished so much the past two years, and I pinched myself daily to be sure it wasn’t all a dream. Career-wise I had everything I wanted. If only my personal life would catch up, then I’d be truly content.
Referring to the clipboard in my hand one last time, everything was ready to go, every minute detail perfectly orchestrated for the next five days. Even the weather would cooperate at sea and when we’d be docked for two days in the Bahamas.
Usually our cruises went for seven, but the Stantons wanted to be back in five to continue their celebration on land.
This journey was important to Rebecca. As maid of honor, she wanted everything to be perfect for Sam and Lydia, and what Rebecca wanted I made sure she got. Our relationship was an unexpected surprise. Who could’ve suspected the instant bond we formed the day she walked into Sunset Cruises corporate headquarters to interview for Marco’s assistant cruise director position?
Even more surprising was their instalove story, one I pushed hard for. Beneath my sarcastic facade was a hopeless romantic, and if I couldn’t find that eternal love, at least my best friends had. Marco was family to me, and Rebecca has easily become the second-most-important female in my life… after my mother.
As Bella Viaggi continued to slowly pull away from the port, Rebecca’s eyes caught mine from across the deck. Her cheesy grin and cheesier thumbs-up forced a laugh. “Dork,” I mouthed to her, to which she shrugged.
And then, when I slid my attention to Cooper, I caught him staring at me. Our eyes met for a nanosecond before he cut his gaze away. I had no interest in pursuing another man who was deep in denial, but having gone through it myself, I knew he’d be so much happier if he just admitted to that part of himself.
I also had no interest in being with a bisexual. Cooper clearly enjoyed women, and that kind of history ran deep. It usually reared its head during a new relationship, when all the insecurities ran rampant. And if one came with so many confusing emotional ties shackled to it, it’d be doomed before it started.
But the more Cooper fought what I already knew, the more I wanted to help him… as a friend.
Sure, in a perfect world Cooper Stanton would be gay as the day was long, and I’d be on him like white on rice. We all knew such a world didn’t exist for people like me. I had plenty of failed attempts at finding my person. After Corey, wanting to avoid ever being in that predicament again had me chasing guys who were very much out of the closet. The problem was the four that I’d had a long-term relationship with were all players who tried to play me like a fiddle. Crazy as it sounded, having them cheat on me had me feeling more in control because it gave me the excuse to end it.
Cooper’s eyes again found mine before comically bouncing away, forcing another chuckle to erupt just as Marco came over and asked, “Tutto è buono?”
Even though most of the time he slipped into his native tongue without even realizing it, thanks to him, I now spoke the Italian language fluently.
“Yes, everything is great,” I responded to appease his question. But the narrowing of his eyes on mine meant he wasn’t convinced. Using his last name, I said, “Relax, Puglia, I have it covered. Have I ever failed at this?”
“No, Burrows, you never have,” he reluctantly admitted before following my focus. “Perché si sta rompendo le palle?”
“I’m not busting his balls,” I scoffed.
“Si, you are.” Marco gave me a stern expression, to which I waved an impatient hand.
“No, I’m not.” When he continued to stare at me, I asked, “What?”
“Rebecca seems to think now that he’s single, you’ll play matchmaker again and try to set him up. And since she mentioned doing the same for Cooper, and he shut her down, she doesn’t want you to upset him.”
“Tell your wife she’s delusional.” That traitor.
“Want to know what I think?”
“No.”
He ignored my response. “I think that you have a crush on him, and I worry that you’re wasting your time on a straight man again.” Fuck, that theory was worse than his wife’s.
“I feel sorry for him,” I blurted out. No way would I make this about my history.
“Why?” Marco asked before adding, “He’s good looking, kind, genuine. He’s a great guy. So he seems down. Give him a break. He just broke up with his ragazza.”
“That’s not—” I stopped myself from saying any more. This had nothing to do with him breaking up with his girlfriend, as Marco had just claimed. Still, it wasn’t my place to discuss Cooper’s issues or what I believed his issues to be. So, instead, I gave Marco a casual shrug and admitted, “He seems lost.”
“Weren’t we all at one time or another?” Marco asked, his accent as thick as his point. “It’s not your job to fix everyone, Ricky.”
“Are you sorry that I fixed you?”
“No.” His dark-brown eyes landed on his wife. “She’s the best thing that’s happened to me.”
“I’ll assume you mean besides meeting me,” I joked.
“I may not have met her if I hadn’t met you first.” Marco flashed that drop-dead-gorgeous smile of his. “And now I’m stuck with you forever because she loves you too much.”
I met his amused expression with an eye roll. “Gee, that’s such a heartwarming sentiment.”
“You’re welcome.”
After a long day of boisterously celebrating in the sun, the mood for the rehearsal dinner was a bit more subdued. Flickering votives and dim lighting created the romantic atmosphere that served as a backdrop to the divine cuisine made by one of the top chefs to have ever sailed the tropical seas.
Rebecca wanted it to be elegant, but did it have to be so dull?
Crystal, fine linens, a pianist, and at least a dozen suppressed yawns on my part. One large square table forced everyone to interact. Sure, I was thankful to be considered family, flanked by Rebecca on one side and her brother Griffin on the other. But I needed to call a spade a spade: the Stanton clan was boring as fuck.
Just as I considered cranking up my favorite party music playlist on the speakers to finally get this shindig started, the clinking of a glass being tapped by a fork quieted the operatic background music.
When Cooper slowly stood in place, all conversations around the table silenced, and I mumbled, “Oh no,” earning me Rebecca’s elbow to my ribs. “Ow.”
“Hey, it’s me again,” Cooper said with a sheepish wave, evoking an eternal groan from memories of his first toast earlier that day. “I promise this time it’ll be quick,” he added with a smirk, causing chuckles to filter around the elegant dining room.
Just as I began to push out of my chair to make an escape, Rebecca gripped my hand and gave me a scathing look.
“Ugh… fine,” I said before slamming back the rest of my wine and reaching for the bottle to freshen up my glass.
