Upside down, p.7
Upside Down, page 7
Yes, I was completely aware that sounded ridiculous.
But being home for a whole week, while still harping on what had gone down between us, was slowly pecking at my resolve and making me nuts.
“Here we go,” Riana said while carrying two mugs filled with coffee and handing me mine prepped exactly the way I liked it.
“Thanks, Ree.” That simple act flared the regret I carried for not being in love with her. Just like that, the coin of uncertainty flipped back to the not-to-confide-in-her side.
Oblivious to my angst, a genuine smile spread. “You’re welcome.” Her eyes held mine as she tipped her mug to take a sip, but she waited for me to begin. This was typical of Riana: listen first. Still, I couldn’t get the words to slide past the lump in my throat. Knowing me as well as she did, the pregnant pause, combined with my tortured expression, caused her to reach over and take my hand. “Coop, you’re scaring me. Is it work? Are you sick?”
“No. It’s nothing like that.” Although I could claim a bad case of temporary insanity. Remembering something that stayed with me from the night she broke things off, I asked, “What did you mean when you said you weren’t sure I knew what it would take to make me happy?”
She released my hand while a pink tinge spread on her cheeks. It was my turn to wait her out as she collected her thoughts.
“I don’t know. I guess because when we were together you seemed anxious, especially toward the end.”
“Anxious in what way?”
She placed her mug on the coffee table and tucked her feet beneath her. “I knew you cared about me, and you made it your business to show me that you did.” Her blush deepened while she bit on her bottom lip, a nervous habit I always found endearing. But now it only worsened my unsettled thoughts.
“What?” I prodded.
“I felt like you felt obligated to do so… like it was a task and not a natural occurrence.” Instantly, she backpedaled. “I’m sorry. It’s me.”
“It’s not you.” Placing my untouched coffee on the table beside hers, I dragged in a deep breath. The need to release the toxic secret I carried caused me to blurt out, “I might be bisexual.” It wasn’t disgust or even shock that crossed over her pretty features; it was compassion I saw in her dark-brown eyes. “You don’t look surprised.”
“No. More so enlightened, I guess.” My strained groan caused her to smile. “It makes sense,” she added with a shrug. “Now, at least.”
“What do you mean now?”
“When we were together, it wasn’t something I suspected, but it explains why I felt an emotional wedge even though we had a fantastic relationship.” I knew exactly what she meant. That wedge was what had me dragging my feet instead of jumping headfirst in love. “Why do you believe you are bisexual? Did something happen on the cruise?”
“You can say that.” I went on to explain what went down at my brother’s wedding. From sharing with my family that she and I had broken up to Ricky’s arrogance and snide comments. I told her of his cockiness that both pissed me off and inexplicably turned me on, of my pathetic attempt to escape him with booze, and how that had backfired when I kissed him on deck.
“I don’t think I ever saw you drunk.”
“Because you haven’t,” I admitted. “He checked on me that night, found me passed out, put me to bed, and even came back the next morning to be sure I was up in time for the wedding.” I nodded at the surprised raise of her eyebrows. “Yeah. Thank God he did. I would’ve slept right through the alarm.”
“That’s also not like you, Mr. Responsible.”
“No shit.”
As Ree considered what I had admitted, a small pucker formed on her forehead before she finally said, “One kiss doesn’t make you bisexual, Coop.”
“No, it doesn’t.” And though admitting all that out loud felt good, and a small sense of relief lessened the weight I had felt pressing on my chest for days, still I held back the one damning thing that I refused to admit even to myself. But not disclosing that truth now would enable it to continue to fester like an untreated virus, and I forced myself to add, “Not being able to get him off my mind and becoming aroused every time I thought of him would, though.” When Riana’s mouth gaped open in understanding, I shrugged. “Yeah… so now you know what’s been bothering me.”
Chapter Nine
Ricky
We were an hour away from the port after another successful journey. It was that time when melancholy hit as our guests packed up their belongings, filled with bittersweet emotions from having just enjoyed a memorable trip that sadly had come to an end.
While typing an email to our produce supplier, I sliced my gaze to where Rebecca relaxed in the chair facing me while rubbing her belly, feet propped up on my desk and a bowl of chips balanced on her bump. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you retired already.”
“Antonio’s napping. The departure table is set and ready. So now I’m on a break.”
“You’re always on break,” I countered. Her response was to lift a chip, hover it between us, and chomp into it with gusto.
I was teasing her. Whenever she and Marco did join us on a journey, she ran nonstop, making sure all details were perfect for each passenger. She also went into mommy mode each evening, insisting her nanny take time for herself. Marco had finally stopped arguing with her over that.
But now that she was nearing the end of her second trimester, I could see her slowing down a bit. My friend was taking some much-needed time off before the baby arrived and she once again became a full-time mom. Marco would also be stepping back to be with his family. I’d offered to take the brunt of the daily operations until we hired an executive staff to take over.
Marco and I both had plenty of money before we even began RMR. Just two years in, our profits had already set us up for life, adding frosting to our existing fortunes. Business was great, and we could all afford to take a break and not be so hands-on.
My money came from my father, who had died way too young. He’d never gotten the shot to enjoy the spoils of his hard work. Mom had admitted they had such grand plans for their golden years, but that had vanished without warning. I promised myself I wouldn’t end up the same way. It was the main reason I’d taken that job with Sunset Cruises all those years ago. Not needing the paycheck, spending my days on a luxury cruise ship and meeting people from all corners of the world had sounded like a great career. Marco had the same desires when he’d become their cruise director. Meeting him had shifted my fate in a direction I hadn’t envisioned back then but couldn’t imagine not having now.
Our business had always been a means to help people create memories they’d always treasure. By hiring a strong staff, and by adding an executive layer, we’d set our company up in a way that enabled us to take a step back whenever we needed to. It had been an easy decision to let Marco and Rebecca enjoy these precious years with their kids. And with nothing requiring my attention at this stage of my life, I could easily jump back in if need be.
Just as I tapped the send button on my email, Rebecca flinched and rubbed the side of her belly. “What… what is it?”
“This kid is much more active than Antonio was.”
“Don’t scare me like that, cookie puss. I draw the line at playing catcher if that baby were to shoot out of you on my time.”
She drilled her big blue eyes into mine and sighed impatiently. “It doesn’t quite work like that.” The smirk that came next snapped me into a memory. It looked so much like Cooper’s when he was annoyed, which had been often when in my company. It’d been six weeks since Sam and Lydia’s wedding cruise, and except for hearing bits and pieces of his life through Rebecca, I hadn’t had any contact with him. That didn’t mean he didn’t appear in my thoughts often.
“Bella?” Marco’s deep voice reached us before he appeared in the doorway. An electric smile spread when he saw his wife. “There you are.”
“Hi, baby. Just bothering Ricky.” He bent and placed a kiss on her lips, licked what I assumed was a ton of salt off his own, and then placed a kiss on her belly.
“I would love to aid in that, but I need you in the galley for a quick minute.”
Rebecca placed the almost empty bowl on my desk and dusted the crumbs scattered on her belly to the floor.
“Hey,” I said.
“Cleaning will handle it,” she said with an impatient wave of her hand before taking Marco’s and leading him out of my office.
“I get no respect around here,” I mumbled, diving into another email. But soon the vibration of the wood beneath my keyboard stole my focus. “What the hell is that?” Another round of buzzing drew my attention to Rebecca’s cell, sitting beside the bowl of chips. Normally I’d ignore it but seeing Cooper’s smiling face on the screen caused me to reach for it.
“Rebecca’s line.” Silence. “Hello, Cooper.” More silence.
“Ricky.” Yet another pause, and I could practically hear his audible gulp. “Is my sister around?” His deep voice rumbling over the line stirred something within me. I stood to stare out the window at the ocean beyond, drawing its energy to settle my pounding heart. My reaction wasn’t exactly a mystery, since I’d been experiencing flutters whenever I remembered our kiss. But over the weeks, I’d decided the need to save him was what had me desiring him.
Hero complex, as Rebecca labeled it.
It was a deep-rooted issue that stemmed from my Corey days. It was also a convenient excuse, because no other explanation made sense regarding Cooper.
“She, ah… she stepped away for a moment.” I waited for a reply, and when none came, I added, “How’ve you been?”
“Great.” The tone of his voice contradicted the positive word. “You?” he then asked, probably out of obligation.
“Also, great.” Even more silence. Clearing my throat, I said, “Rebecca is getting big.”
“I bet. I miss her.”
“She misses you too.” Knowing he planned to come down to Florida once his school year was over, another tidbit that sparked the fluttering, I admitted, “She’s marking a calendar daily until your arrival.” He chuckled over the line, a carefree laugh that caused my dick to twitch.
That I wasn’t prepared for.
“Thirty-nine days,” he blurted out.
“Wow. I’ll take your word for it.”
After another uncomfortable pause—longer, heavier with tension—he finally said, “Well, tell my sister—”
“I’ve been wanting to—” We both released a strained apology: “Sorry.”
“No, go ahead… wanting to?” he prodded.
“Call you.”
“Call me?”
“Yeah.” I needed to be the more mature and understanding of us and make sure he was doing okay. My situation was entirely different than the one that he endured, but it fucked with my emotions all the same. I couldn’t imagine adding confusion to the mix because I suddenly questioned my sexuality. “Look, I know we got off on a rough start… and that kiss further complicated things, but I don’t want you to feel bad about it. It was a pretty hot kiss,” I only somewhat teased. It had been.
This time his chuckle sounded raw, gritty. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“You should. And as I said before, I’m here if you want to talk… as a friend.”
“Okay, I’ll bite,” he said. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course.”
“What was it about me that made you think I was gay?”
That was easy. “The way you stared at me whenever we saw each other.”
“I’m pretty sure any looks your way were laced with annoyance.”
I chuckled over the phone. “No, any looks my way were laced with desire.” My statement was met with deathly silence. “You there?”
“Yeah. Thanks, Ricky.” He didn’t give me a chance to respond before the line went dead. I stared down at the screen, but instead of seeing Rebecca’s home app page I saw his handsome face. Thirty-nine days. Was he counting them to be with his sister, or to see me?
“Are you holding out on me?” Rebecca’s accusation came like a smack on the back of my head. I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed before turning to face her.
“No.”
“Ricky Burrows, who did you kiss?”
Pulling out my best acting job, I waved an annoyed hand and plopped down in my chair. “None of your business.”
A pang of hurt flashed over her features before she pouted. We told each other everything, but this thing with Cooper I couldn’t share with her. And like an idiot, I completely forgot the entire exchange had happened on her phone until her eyes narrowed on it, still clutched in my hand. “Who were you talking to, Ricky?”
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!
After what seemed like an eternity, she lifted a palm while her raised brows questioned my hesitancy. I knew she wouldn’t be upset over the fact I’d answered it; we did that kind of thing. But with what she’d heard me say, and learning who that last caller was, meant shit was about to get real.
“Ricky?” Out of time, I reluctantly handed the cell over and cringed as she opened her phone app.
“Becks, it’s not what you think.”
My heart squeezed at the way she plopped in the chair, still sporting a deer-in-headlights expression. “I’m so confused.”
What went down between us would lead to Cooper’s issue, and that wasn’t my story to tell. But lying to her wasn’t an option either. She watched as I dragged a hand through my hair and sighed. “You need to talk to Cooper. He had a lot to drink at the rehearsal dinner, and when I found him out on deck… he wasn’t in his right mind, and…”
Fuck.
“And what? You kissed him while he was drunk?”
“No! I wouldn’t do that.” I couldn’t blame her for the assumption, but it hurt regardless.
Remorse caused her to say, “I’m sorry, Ricky.”
“It’s fine. I get it… the truth is…”
“He kissed you.”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“Sweetie, you need to talk to Cooper.” But when she tapped on her screen, I leaned closer and placed my hand on hers. “Not here,” I said with a regretful shake of my head.
Understanding my point, she nodded solemnly before walking out with the phone in her hand.
Marco, Rebecca, and I always enjoyed lunch together once we returned to port when all the passengers from that week disembarked and before the next group boarded. It was our way to discuss what went right and what went wrong during the voyage. We’d review the list of guests that would be joining us that day, familiarizing ourselves with their names and photos, and planning a journey based on the likes and interests we found on each of their profiles.
But today, I dreaded our normally lighthearted touch-base meeting.
I hadn’t seen Rebecca since she left my office earlier, and I wanted no part of a discussion I knew she would want to have. Not knowing if she had called Cooper, or what he’d said to her, meant I was going in unprepared.
I hated being unprepared.
At two on the nose, Marco and Rebecca strolled into the dining room hand in hand. “Hey,” Marco said, while Rebecca just smiled.
I watched him pull out her chair and sit in the one beside her, but when she had yet to speak, my impatience got the best of me. “Okay, you’re scaring me. I don’t want to know what you and Cooper talked about. Well, yes… I do, but you don’t have to tell me… unless you feel the need to… I just can’t stand the silence… and you know I can’t handle it when you’re mad at me—”
“I’m not mad at you,” she interrupted.
“You’re not?”
Rolling her eyes in her Rebecca kind of way, she huffed, “Of course not.”
“Okay.”
Still not knowing what he’d said to her, I tried to hide my intense curiosity but obviously failed, because she sighed again. “Stop pouting, Ricky. Cooper said he was drunk and stupid and it meant nothing.” With those words, I forced a smile, hiding my disappointment. “Coop did wacky shit like that in college. He said it was one of the real reasons he avoided alcohol.” Well, that stings, my ego grumbled. “Also, he blamed it on his penchant for experimenting.”
A memory of Corey admitting the same came flooding back, bringing with it all the insecurities I haven’t been able to shake, even now. That kind of damage was hard to mend. Sure, it healed over time, but the scar tissue left around my heart had caused an underlying bitterness over the years.
“Okay, good.” Ignoring how Rebecca studied my expression in her sleuth-like way, I shrugged. “Can’t say it’s the first time I’d been sexually objectified.” The joke fell flat, and she took my hand and frowned.
“Ricky.”
“What?”
She remained silent, driving me nuts. I sliced my gaze to Marco, looking for a hint of what ran through her mind, to which I received a bland smile in return. “We both know you’re attracted to men who are…” Her lips clamping shut forced my impatience.
“Are what?” I asked a bit too forcibly.
“Who are sexually confused. And you hate that it’s a turn-on. You’ve told me so. It’s why your last four boyfriends were all man-whores.”
“Oh no. Just stop with your assumptions, Becks. You’re way, way off the mark. I have no interest in your brother.”
“Okay.” Unconvinced, she placated me with a nod. “So let’s talk about this week. On their way out the Fishers suggested we create a logoed clothing line we could sell on board or online. At first I thought it was tacky, but when she admitted her husband collected hats from his favorite vacations, and what better way to advertise than have one of our guests wearing a Bella Viaggi…” As her words faded, I knew our conversation wasn’t over.
Once Rebecca put a thought into her head, she rarely let it go. I didn’t doubt that Cooper might have fumbled during their conversation and inadvertently provided an opportunity for his sister to investigate matters further.
