Upside down, p.1
Upside Down, page 1
Copyright ©2020 by A. M. Madden
First edition e-book published 2020
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All Rights Reserved Worldwide. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the author, except where permitted by law.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
The use of artist and song titles, locations, and products throughout this book is for storytelling purposes and should in no way be seen as advertisement. Trademarked names are used in an editorial fashion, with no intention of infringement of the respective owner’s trademark.
A. M. Madden
Email: am.madden@aol.com
Twitter: @ammadden1
Facebook: https//www.facebook.com/ammadden
Website: www.ammadden.com
Table of Contents
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Epilogue
Acknowledgments
More by A. M. Madden
About A. M. Madden
To my three kings, you rule my world.
Chapter One
Cooper
Gorgeous.
Thick mahogany hair that cascaded over her shoulders, a simple black dress caressing her curves in the sexiest of ways, and a pair of deep russet eyes that seemed to sear right through your soul all had heads turning wherever we went.
There was no denying Riana Carter was gorgeous. Sweet too. Kind. Caring. Affectionate. I could go on and on with all her amazing attributes. She was quite possibly perfect.
Her only downfall was falling for me.
“I know bringing this up tonight isn’t exactly ideal.” A sad smile lifted as her gaze swept across the romantic setting: dim lighting, red roses adorning the tables, mood music playing for those truly celebrating being in love. “It actually sucks,” she added with a humorless laugh. “But with my business trip this week and the wedding next—” A blip of uncertainty flashed as her pause lengthened.
“Ree.” I tried to give her an out and waited for her to take it. But she seemed lost in thought while staring down at her untouched salmon. I hadn’t yet dared to dive into my own perfectly cooked steak. The waiter placing our dinners before us three seconds after she said we needed to talk was just bad timing. Or maybe Riana stumbling into my life as she had during an early-morning run almost a year ago was truly the bad timing of it all.
We’d come together because of that slick spot on the boardwalk. Melted ice cream maybe? A patch of ice? Something caused her to stumble forward right into my arms. Things romance novels were made of.
I, of all people, should know, since I’d studied the best of them. As an English lit professor, I was constantly reminded of romantic tales penned by masters of the written word. Yet I couldn’t seem to find love myself. My two older and two younger siblings had all found their persons. My parents were decades into an epic love affair. And then there was me.
With so many failed relationships from puberty to manhood, I had become a cliché. And ironically, being dumped on Valentine’s Day served to put a neat little bow on my pathetic love life.
“Coop, this isn’t easy for me to say,” she finally admitted, barely above a whisper.
“I know.” I did… although our story hadn’t always been a tortured love tale.
At the beginning we’d moved through all the expected motions: a coffee first, graduating to having dinner a few times, sex on the fifth date. Our union had progressed organically. There had never been drama between us. We’d seemed to have an ideal relationship… but something was missing.
“Do you love me, Coop?”
“Yeah.” It was a knee-jerk, honest response. I did love her… just not that way. She had professed her love out loud to me months ago, and after I hadn’t said it back, she’d never said it again. Who could blame her?
I watched her drag in a deep, impatient breath before releasing it. “I mean, are you in love with me?”
And there lies the problem.
My silence spoke volumes. I didn’t know how to get there. I didn’t know why it wasn’t coming easily.
Her gaze cut away before coming back to me. “I know you care about me, would do anything to make me happy. You’re so sweet and attentive… but there’s something missing,” she said, admitting what I couldn’t. “I can feel it.”
The moist shimmer that diluted the rich brown hue of her eyes sliced me wide open. I hated hurting her. That was probably why I’d avoided this very discussion, one that I had ignored for so many months.
She was right. That didn’t mean I didn’t wish that one day I’d wake up and realize I couldn’t breathe without her. I wanted that so desperately… but to say I was there now would be a lie.
“I’m sorry, but I need to know we’re heading somewhere,” she went on to say. “I’m too invested in you, in us, and it will destroy me if I spend another year, or two, or ten, only to have you end up walking away.”
Knowing Riana’s history, I understood her need for a plan. She’d had one other serious relationship. Not unlike ours, there’d been no drama, no unnecessary tears. It was as simple as a relocation because of his job while she just started the job of her dreams. Three years in meant they’d needed to end their relationship. I didn’t doubt that if he hadn’t moved, they would’ve gotten married eventually.
Her cool, slim fingers wrapping around my hand served as a cattle prod to my cowardice. She deserved better than me. She deserved to be worshiped and revered. She deserved the truth.
“Ree, I don’t want you to think these past ten months have been anything other than amazing. You are an exceptional woman, and I wouldn’t trade one minute I spent with you for anything in the world.” I studied her expression before saying what I should’ve said well before tonight. “But you’re right. I’m not there… and I can’t ask you to wait for me to get there—” An audible swallow came in place of the words. I pushed past the discomfort and added, “Because I don’t know if I ever will.”
Remarkably, a newfound resolve altered her defeated expression. It almost felt like my admission served as a balm she’d been waiting for. Maybe not what she wanted to hear, but what she needed to hear.
“Thank you for being honest,” she finally said with a small smile. “I want the best for you, Coop. I want you to be happy.” Her smile cracked a bit wider. “I also want it to be with me, but I think—” The dangling sentence came with a forced laugh. “Well, that’s neither here nor there.”
“What?” I asked, turning my hand to bring our touch palm to palm.
“I’m not sure you know what it would take to be happy.” She stared into my eyes with a strained smile. “I’m sorry… that’s not fair of me to say—”
My responding chuckle was just as strained. “You’re right, Ree. I’m not sure either.” I gripped her fingers tighter and shrugged. “So now what?”
“Well, now we part ways—as friends, I hope.”
“Of course, always.”
She pulled her hand away and lifted her fork. But just before she took her first bite of the now-lukewarm salmon, I asked, “Stupid question. Are you coming to my brother’s wedding?” We were scheduled to fly down to Fort Lauderdale a week from now after she returned from her trip to Chicago.
Based on the last family function she’d attended, Sam and Lydia’s engagement party, innocent questions of when we would take the leap, or speculations if we were next in line, served only to embarrass us in different ways. Why would she subject herself to more torture, especially now?
Another small smile lifted the corners of her pretty pink lips. “I think it’s best I don’t come,” she said, voicing what I knew she would. My family adored her, and not having any family at all to speak of meant Riana had embraced their acceptance with open arms.
I hated this. I hated causing her more hurt in her life.
Taking her hand once again, I pressed my lips against her soft skin before giving her a sad smile. You’re amazing, Ree. I mean it.”
For the first time since we’d sat at the small romantic table set for two, her eyes sparkled with humor. “I know I am,” she quipped, causing us to laugh.
The rest of the evening progressed no differently than any other dinner we’d shared. We talked about our jobs, the weather, her neighbor’s dog, Cosmo, and how he despised me.
I’d miss our time together. Ours might not have been the epic love story that every human on earth deserved to experience at least once in their lives… but we shared a solid connection that would be hard to sever.
“Thank you. Enjoy your break,” I said for the thousandth time that day. As each student filed past my desk to hand in their midterm papers, I counted down the minutes until the day was over and winter break began. After the week I’d had, this break had come at a good time.
My school schedule had been a factor when my brother and his fiancée had planned their wedding. For the next five days, Sam and Lydia’s closest family and friends would embark on a wedding cruise to the Bahamas.
I needed this trip and looked forward to having my family in one place at the same time. With five kids, it was hard for our parents to corral us and the grandkids, especially when we had scattered across the country.
But remembering I had to explain Riana’s absence had cast a gray cloud over my excitement. I’d been thinking about her often since last Saturday, wondering if I’d given up too quickly or should’ve fought harder and insisted that we stay together. I couldn’t seem to come up with a suitable argument except that I didn’t want to hurt her. And that wasn’t a reason to be with someone. Riana deserved better. I deserved better.
That sick feeling that kept resurfacing over the past week festered in the pit of my stomach because I was single, yet again. More times than not, my thoughts would drift to the long list of failed relationships. Some lasted a few weeks, some a few months, all ending because I couldn’t seem to find that missing thing I’d only read about.
Why was it so hard for me to find that damn thing?
It wasn’t like opportunities to find love hadn’t surrounded me daily. Case in point, a few of my flirty female students hung back to chat a bit, asking what my plans were for the break. Even some of my male students tried to spark up a conversation… and a few were doing so for similar reasons as the girls.
I lost count how many times I’d been propositioned over the years. Regardless of my reputation for not dating students or colleagues, they continued to try. Known as the hottie English lit professor—their words, not mine—I was quite popular among students and other professors alike.
It was a bit embarrassing… especially the theories on why I never so much as looked at a person on campus much less romantically engaged with one. The girls had very vivid imaginations regarding that anomaly.
“He got a student pregnant years ago and transferred here on probation.”
“He and Dean Morris have been having an affair for years before her husband found out.”
“Maybe he’s gay.”
Regarding the males, it was simple. Those who were straight thought I was a cool professor. Those who thought otherwise came on to me often.
On and on the speculation went, relayed to me from some colleagues. At first it bothered me, but I’d learned to ignore it over the years. I was good at what I did. I was proud of how many lives I’d touched. But most important, I loved my job and would never do anything to jeopardize it.
So I’d searched for my happy ever after elsewhere—the gym, bars, blind dates, or even gorgeous women who barreled into my life on a boardwalk during a routine morning run.
No luck.
“Mr. Coop. Are you coming to the Library?” Peggy asked while batting her big blue eyes at me. Knowing the hottest pub on campus would be teeming with students the night before break was the last place I wanted to be. Sensing my reluctance, she pushed harder. “Come on. A bunch of us are celebrating finishing our papers. We’d love to buy you a drink.”
“Thank you, but I’ll pass,” I said, giving my customary declination.
She handed me said paper and held it a few seconds longer than necessary. I got a whiff of her perfume enveloping me and had a clear enough view of her breasts to see that her bra was red.
“One of these times we’ll get you out of this dungeon to have some fun,” she said.
I pushed back in my chair, suppressing a sigh. “Nah, I like my dungeon. Enjoy your break.”
After a few more invites, and once the last paper had been turned in, I shuffled the pile and shoved them into my messenger bag to take with me to Florida. As the best man, I’d promised my brother to leave my work behind, but with my poor sleeping habits I had a feeling I’d have plenty of time to get them graded.
“Coop?” I looked up to see my TA nervously fidgeting at the edge of my desk. “Do you want me to take half the papers to grade?”
“No, I’ll handle these, Kelly. If you could just get the lesson plans typed up for me over the break, that would be great.”
“Absolutely.” She glanced at the last few female students as they giggled their way out of the lecture hall, and then she leaned closer and lowered her voice. “I saw Riana.”
Ah. She knew.
“Kelly, I don’t want to get into this right now.” I gave her a small smile.
“I know. I just want to say I’m here if you need to talk… as a friend,” she claimed. But the lilt in the tone of her voice revealed her true intentions.
Kelly and I had met in a bar the summer before she started and had had a one-night stand. Besides first names, we hadn’t swapped any information. It had been a hot night but nothing more.
And then, on the first day of school, there she was in my classroom. The way her eyes had widened at the same time as mine had meant she was equally surprised to see me. That unfortunate coincidence had sent any other personal interaction careening off a cliff. We’d agreed to keep it to ourselves and not complicate things unnecessarily… or at least I had agreed. Kelly wasn’t quite on board with that.
Even after she’d transferred out of my class, assuming that would persuade me to resume a relationship.
It hadn’t.
Even after she’d applied for the TA position this year and supplied enough glowing recommendations to my department head that she’d earned the job—and the chance to get closer to me.
It hadn’t.
What it had done was force me to have a conversation with her. She believed my resistance came from my job. She said we could be good together and even offered to transfer to another school if I felt the same.
The problem was, I didn’t… and I didn’t want her doing anything so drastic in hopes something would happen.
Older than the typical freshman, Kelly had taken a few years off after high school to care for her ailing mother. It was the reason I assumed she wasn’t a student.
By the time she’d enrolled in college, five years had passed, and the difference in age set her apart from all the other students. She had more in common with me than them. That had only fueled her infatuation with me over the last two years.
I often wondered: If I had felt that spark with Kelly on our one night together, would I have thrown my professional oath out the window to take a chance on love?
But the entire subject was a moot point because I didn’t feel that spark.
And then I’d met Riana, and Kelly had backed off.
Now she obviously saw a new opportunity.
“Okay, well, have a great vacation,” she said but still loitered at the edge of my desk.
“Thank you. You too.” Standing and hoisting my loaded-up messenger bag over my shoulder, I gave her a genuine smile. “I’ll see you next week.”
Chapter Two
Cooper
Ten steps out of the automatic glass doors and my T-shirt and jeans had already begun to stick to my body. The Florida heat felt foreign after weeks of frigid temperatures in New Jersey, making the winter coat draped over my arm a nuisance.
Still happy to be there, I slipped on my shades and was dragging my suitcase toward the waiting black limo when my cell rang.
“Yes, I landed,” I said as a hello to my brother. “And yes, I see my car.”
